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Worried My Boyfriend Isn’t Being Honest in His Therapy Sessions

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From the U.S.: I’ve never posted online or to a forum before, but I am desperate for advice, or even a solution. We started dating a year ago, and shortly into the relationship we became sexually involved. A few months into the relationship, I started to feel pressured into sexual encounters and so I started to alienate myself from him sexually, but that only started to make him treat me like a sex object, which began to disturb me greatly.

I ended up reading online that a way to potentially fix this kind of tug-of-war concerning our relationship’s sexuality was to give in and give him what he wanted. So I did, but still, immediately afterwards he said that he felt like I wasn’t giving him enough and that he just did everything for me, which made me feel worthless and upset, so naturally I started crying. This prompted him to go and grab a knife and attempt to slit his own throat in my bathroom.

From that point on I told him he had to get professional help, or I was done with him. At first I thought he just wasn’t going to do it, but this summer he finally started to see his old therapist again. But nothing has really changed and that’s what worries me. If anything, I feel he has changed overall in a bad way and I don’t know what to do.

I have tried to have deep conversations with him before about his feelings or opinions and he just ignores me or changes the subject, so I’m afraid he does the same with his therapist, or worse, that he isn’t completely honest with her about what is going on with him and his life. He has become bipolar- forceful and demanding and he has started to get angry with me over little things, or things that I can’t even control, such as feelings of fear or anxiety. But then the next second he is sweet and considerate. I want to speak to his therapist about this, but I don’t know as I could even do that, legally. I want him to get the help he needs, but I feel like he can’t get it on his own. Please help me, I’m begging you.

Worried My Boyfriend Isn’t Being Honest in His Therapy Sessions

Answered by on -

A.

It is simply not a good solution for you to get along with your boyfriend by giving in to him. That kind of imbalance in a relationship dooms it as a partnership. I hope your boyfriend will agree to invite you into a few of his sessions with the therapist. His behavior has had negative effects on your relationship and on the chance for a future together. In session, you would have a safe place to raise your concerns.

If he continues to ignore you or treat you poorly, it would be a mistake to continue in this relationship. However sweet he can be, you aren’t able to count on him to treat you with respect and love.

You are only 19. You have plenty of time to find a man who will cherish you and treat you well.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Worried My Boyfriend Isn’t Being Honest in His Therapy Sessions

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Worried My Boyfriend Isn’t Being Honest in His Therapy Sessions. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/18/worried-my-boyfriend-isnt-being-honest-in-his-therapy-sessions/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.