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Complicated Relationship with a Boy Abroad

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Hello! I met T. this summer while i was on a long term relationship. My boyfriend at that time cheated on me several times but we were trying to make it work, even I often felt unappreciated and unhappy. I met T. randomly one night and we instantly clicked. He was on holiday in my country and he was going to live the country soon. We met a few times and before he left, we kissed. He made me feel so special, he was very smart and kind with me. After he left, I went to visit him (while I was still in a relationship). We had an amazing time, but he was very sad every time my boyfriend called. He told me he loved me, but I didn’t say it back, even if I loved him. After I left his country we kept talking for a month and after that he suddenly changed. I could tell he was in love with me, for real. But something happened, and he became very distant. Meanwhile I broke up with my boyfriend. Now T. is on an exchange program for 6 months. I have asked him if he still wants something with us, but he just ignored my question and we haven’t spoken since than. I know we started in a wrong way and I shouldn’t have continued my relationship, but I was very confused than. I love him and miss him extremely much, but I simply don’t understand what happened and what I can do about it. Please help me! (From Romania)

Complicated Relationship with a Boy Abroad

Answered by on -

A.

T. is a symptom — not a cause of your break up. His lack of availability was the perfect opportunity for you to move away from your boyfriend. The work now is for you to stay broken up and see the brief connection to T. as a catalyst for change. The chances are he isn’t the love of your life but an activator for you to move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Complicated Relationship with a Boy Abroad

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Complicated Relationship with a Boy Abroad. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/18/complicated-relationship-with-a-boy-abroad/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.