Diagnoses are best determined by having an in-person evaluation, by a mental health professional. It’s something you should consider, especially because of your anger. Occasional anger is normal but constant anger is not.
You also expressed a desire to control and or harm others. These types of fantasies can arise when people lack power and control over their own lives. Feeling helpless often breeds fantasies of power and dominance.
If I were interviewing you, I would want to know about what has happened in your life that has led to your feelings and fantasies. Has there been trauma and abuse?
Your desire to hurt others or to be harmed is unusual and is probably linked to your anger. When these feelings arise, you should not indulge them. Nothing good can come from your harming people or your attempting to be harmed by others.
You mentioned a diagnosis of depression which means that you have interacted with mental health professionals. If you’re not already in counseling, you should try it. It would help you to understand your feelings but more importantly, how to overcome them and improve the quality of your life. Angry people are not happy people. Therefore changes are necessary; help is necessary.
All of these issues can be addressed in counseling. Ask your parents to assist you in seeking professional help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle