From the U.S.: Hello, so I am 20 years old I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 16 and we now have a 3 year old daughter. My boyfriend does not trust me because I’ve been with other people in the past and he didn’t know about it but I wanted to keep my past private. Now that he knows he rubs it all in my face and he won’t let me forget it. He also believes there is more no matter how many times I tell him he knows everything. He will be okay with me one day and the next he says he knows I’m lying and there’s more when there isn’t but that’s what he assumes, He doesn’t want me to have friends or go out with my old friends because he thinks fun time should be with family only but he hangs out with his friends. I worry that my life will be like this forever. What should I do?
You have a right to your privacy. It is normal and appropriate for teens to explore a number of relationships before settling into a lifelong commitment. It is how people discover who they are in a relationship and what kind of person they want to be with.
Your boyfriend’s behavior most likely is the result of some insecurities on his part. Perhaps he worries that he doesn’t measure up to another guy you were with. Perhaps he is anxious that you might leave him. Or maybe he is worried that you have had more experience than he had. That shouldn’t matter, but it may matter to him.
You two have a young child together. It’s very important that you get through this for her sake as well as for your own. You can’t go through life essentially locked up. He can’t go through life feeling so insecure. I strongly urge you to get some couple therapy to help the two of you resolve this issue and to explore why it is that you haven’t married in spite of being together for years and having a child together.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Doesn’t Trust Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/16/my-boyfriend-doesnt-trust-me/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 16 Nov 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.