I can understand that you are eager to get your marriage back on track and I appreciate that you are taking responsibility for your own actions. However, if you were putting your work and hobbies before your wife and family for the majority of your 15-year marriage, it’s going to take more than a few months to repair the damage. And there is a chance that the damage cannot be repaired. I have heard many spouses in similar situations say something like “It’s too little, too late.”
Don’t get me wrong, your wife is not free of blame if she chose to get her emotional needs met outside of the marriage, rather than letting you know how unhappy she was. But now that things have escalated to this point it is time that you both lay everything on the table. There needs to be a period of mutual transparency in a relationship after an affair and rather than assuming that you know what the other person wants from you, it is best to ask them. You might think you are working hard to repair things while she could be thinking that you still don’t get it.
At a minimum, you should both read some books on the subject, such as After the Affair, but I would strongly suggest that you seek marital counseling. I hope you can work things out.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts