Hello, So I’m 15 and under medication for (suicidal)depression (I take clomipramine). I have dealt with self harm and such issues and my depression is under control. Recently though, I started noticing that everything wasn’t going ok. I’ll explain:
I feel tired all day but I get overwhelmed by anger and hate. I fantasize about hurting and even killing people, though i would never do this in real life. I feel like those things are getting worse fast.It feels like there are two “ME”s : one kind person and one mean, angry version of myself (I “bathe” in this anger and let it overwhelm me, it makes me feel powerful).
Also, i sometimes feel like i cant control my thoughts; every sense of structure in my thoughts collapse and i cant think anymore, i sometimes go into a state of “delirium”.
All these things are getting worse fast and i feel like i might have to commit suicide if it gets too bad , as i would rather die then to let myself be taken over by someone else and be known as a murderer. As of now i don’t forget anything, so it’s not like i’m being controlled by an other entity.
I hate my current therapist. All he does is add to my meds if something displeases him (I have a couple other meds i don’t know the name of , but they weigh me down by a lot).
I need help. I don’t want to die, i don’t want to cause harm to someone else, it just feels like i’m losing control.I Feel like I’m Going Insane
I Feel like I’m Going Insane
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. It’s imperative that you report these symptoms to your therapist and to your prescribing physician (these might be the same person but that was not clear from your letter).
It’s possible that your medication is the problem and a change is needed. Thus the importance of reporting your symptoms.
It’s also important that your parents are informed about your concerns. They could speak to your treatment team on your behalf.
Many mental health problems benefit from both medication and counseling. One without the other is often not enough. If you’re only taking medication, then you may be missing an important element of treatment. Be certain to inquire about counseling.
Finally, if you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, contact emergency officials. Don’t ignore suicidal or homicidal thoughts because they may represent an emergency. Please take care and stay safe.
Dr. Kristina Randle