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Suddenly Anti-social

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Socializing has never been a problem for me. I had a very close circle of friends, and numerous, friendly acquaintances at high school. Having small talk with strangers and making new friends was something I was accustomed with, and had no trouble whatsoever. But after graduating this summer, my social life went down the drain.
Some of my close friends went across the country for school, while few currently go to other local universities. I moved to a city about an hour away and I had a blank slate; a new city and a new school to start anew. And yet, I have not made a single friend. It’s not because I haven’t tried or haven’t been able to, it’s because I don’t want to. There is no sadness or loneliness from my lack of friends, I don’t even feel bothered about it. But what does bothers me is that it’s not normal. I only noticed gradually that I became someone totally different. I was never the anti-social type of person and recently not only have I become anti-social, I’ve become narcissistic and cynical. I believe the narcissism and cynicism came as a result of me being anti-social.
There has been attempts by my peers to seemingly trying to befriend me, but I have shut them all down with meaningless replies and petty answers. I only noticed how rude and insulting I was after they left one by one. As I’ve mentioned, the loneliness doesn’t bother me, but the fact that I’m changing the way I am does. It almost feels like I’m not me anymore. It’s as if through the summer, I went through a metamorphosis, I went from a social butterfly to a introvert caterpillar.
My younger self always thought I would be “me”, uninfluenced by external forces, but it appears that I’m losing the “me” I used to be, and not for the better. Change is inevitable, I acknowledge that now, but the way I am changing feels like I’m devolving, becoming something sinister. As I’ve once heard, “recognizing the problem is the first step to solving it”. I have recognized a problem in me, I’ve become stagnant and pitiful, and yet I don’t know how to solve it. It’s something I should fix alone, but it appears I need a helping hand to lead the first few steps. (From Canada)

Suddenly Anti-social

Answered by on -


The number of transformations, changes, and new stressors have been the norm is for you. Just the raw volume of these changes would be enough to throw anyone off. In this instance I believe we want the process to be part of the correction. By this I mean group therapy. I would highly recommend you go to your university’s counseling center and explain what your needs are. This will help them understand the best approach, but my guess is having you enter a group of others struggling with beginning college will be the right way to go. The process of being in group will help you with these situations.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Suddenly Anti-social

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Suddenly Anti-social. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 6 Nov 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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