It’s important that you are open with your therapists. If you don’t tell them what’s wrong, they can’t help you. If you withhold the truth from them, they could be treating the wrong symptoms. This might explain why you’re not improving.
You are suppressing the truth about what’s wrong and that, in all likelihood, is what’s causing your symptoms. You can’t hide from the truth. Maybe gender identity is at the heart of your problems, but coming to a resolution will be difficult if you are unwilling to speak about it.
You seem to be letting fear hold you back. It doesn’t have to be that way. You are fortunate to have access to mental health professionals but you have been using their services incorrectly. If you’re not comfortable speaking to them about gender identity, you might try showing them this letter. It outlines the issues with which you are struggling. It might be a good place to start.
If you feel as though you might harm yourself, then call emergency services. Once you begin to open up about your identity concerns, you will feel a great deal of relief. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle