Have you ever heard the expression “You get what you expect”? I have a guess that is what’s going on here. It’s impossible to know when this started or why. But I think you may have run into a couple of tactless women who weren’t interested in you and then you developed an idea that you aren’t attractive. The cause is now lost in the mists of the past. But that cause, whatever it was, doesn’t have to inform the future.
First. Listen to your wife. Hers is the only female opinion that matters anyway. She thinks you are beautiful inside and out. Please take a hard look at why you find it necessary to be attractive to other women when the woman you love thinks you’re the best thing going.
That being said: If you need to feel like you can attract women in order to feel good about yourself, here are a few surefire steps:
- Observe people who seem to be what you want to be. Note how they stand and move, what they talk about, their facial expressions, and generally how they make themselves approachable.
- Copy them. That’s right — be a copycat. Imitation is a form of flattery. It’s also a way to “try on” different behaviors. Try it and see whether being more approachable is really what you want.
- Practice makes permanent. Practice those skills at least a couple of times a day. At first it will feel artificial but you will get the hang of it.
Please — Be careful about what you wish for. Think about what you will do if a woman responds to your new persona. Take care of your marriage.
Frankly, I think there are better attributes to hang your self-esteem on — like being kind, honest, a good husband and father, and a positive member of your community. Beauty is, after all, only skin deep.
I wish you well.