My girlfriend is the nicest person ever. She always does whatever she can for her family even if it’s at the cost of her own individuality or time. She’s very family oriented which makes it hard for her to tell her family about me. I work for her family and they always liked me UNTIL her sister found out we were dating. Ever since then her family has just disliked me because they feel I’m not good enough for her or will ruin her life. This is hurting us both. I know that she’s not ashamed to be with me or anything like that because everyone else knows that we’re together, its just that she doesn’t want to go against her parents and she’s scared because she’s really close with them. She has assured me that i’m the person she wants to be with. We’re just stuck and don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for a year now. I know that she will eventually have to tell her family but the question is how? How do we approach this, how does SHE approach it. It’s really unfair because we’re the happiest when we’re together with no outside influences, but once her family starts tearing me down to her it really hurts us and her mainly. We are asian i feel like traditional asian families don’t communicate feelings and emotions well. We’re just supposed to do as we’re told and be happy about it. I know nothing is going to get better if we keep going on without admitting to them that we’re together but we’re just kind of “waiting for the right time”. Worst part is her sister was a rebel and got to make her own choices, but now she’s the one coming down on her the hardest. It’s like she completely forgot what it means to have free choice. So can you give any advice on how we could bring this up to her parents or what does she have to do for them to stop treating her like a child and give her, her own freedom and choices.
This is a classic dilemma, which deserves a classic response. You state your age is 26 so as a young adult it may be time for you to grab the bull by the horns. This is not a teenage romance, but rather you and your girlfriend’s adult life. I think it would be important to talk with your girlfriend about how to approach this, but the bottom line is either you alone — or you and your girlfriend — need to have a meeting with her parents. Tell them how you feel. Explain that you’re caring for their daughter is genuine and that it is a joint decision. Explain that you would like to move forward with less friction but, whether or not they cooperate, your love for her isn’t going to change.
In other words put the ball in their court — yet make it clear that your love for each other is not going to depend on their blessing.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Girlfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/01/my-girlfriends-family-doesnt-like-me/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.