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Dissasociation & Obsessive Fear

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From the U.S.: I am concerned that I may have PTSD due to childhood trauma, emotionally, physically. My mom is bipolar and raised me on her own in an unstable world. I also was sexually abused once at 6 yrs old. Sometimes in social situations I panic or am just not ready to socialize, I kinda have to gear up for it. When I feel attacked or unstable I respond with anger uncontrollably. I took a few quizzes, It said I may have BPD, OCD, or ADD.

However, sometimes when I am in a room full or empty I go into my own head especially if im angry or upset. It takes me a good thorough talk to myself, using common sense to calm down and not overreact. I am a very calm person, but sometimes my anger controls my thoughts. My negative energy radiates and my boyfriend can feel it.

I think it could be all the built up anger towards my past, my mother and doubt towards myself, but does that necessarily mean I could have BPD? OCD? ADD? I scored really high on BPD. I guess it kinda scares me because the uncontrollable anger does describe me. Also, I tend to forget what I say a lot or what I have watched movie wise.

Sometimes I forget daily events completely, it took me awhile to remember and tell my mom about the sexual molestation that occured as a child. I knew I had anger towards the person, but didn’t remember for a long time until I told her.

I have forgiven my mom, and understand her. It just makes me depressed, where my family is at compared to my boyfriends. I hate to compare, but can’t help, but get jealous..

My mom got married last yr and didn’t tell me. He is abusive, but so is she. It scares me that she married him. Because he punched her before. I don’t get to see her or talk to her like I used to now. He is very demanding, I have told her ny feelings, but nothings changed.

Maybe this is why I don’t feel alive regardless of the fact that I am loved regardless of the fact that I am supported by my fiance and my in laws

My mom has not seen my brother in 7yrs. It kills me, because now he doesn’t want to see her. He will see me, but only me.
Maybe this is why I panic so much and feel overwhelmed, dead, dissasociative – because I am trying not to get hurt again.

What is it that I can do?

Dissasociation & Obsessive Fear

Answered by on -

A.

I’m very glad you wrote. Please give yourself credit for the inner strength you must have that allowed you to come through your childhood experiences as well as you did. I’m impressed that now that you are in your 20s, you are trying to figure out the many conflicting feelings you have. It’s a difficult but important process — made especially so since your mother seems to continue to be in a mutually abusive relationship. You want to be sure that you aren’t going to repeat the kind of relationship you observed and experienced while growing up.

Internet quizzes, even those on the PsychCentral website, are not intended to be diagnostic. They are only intended to provide information as a starting point for those, like yourself, who sense that something is wrong. I don’t know if you have BPD, OCD, or ADD. Neither do you. What I do know is that the results of the quizzes confirm that you have troubling thoughts and feelings that need attention.

I encourage you to take the next step in your healing process. Make an appointment with a trained mental health counselor who can hear your whole story and help you understand yourself better. You deserve it. Your relationship with your boyfriend deserves it. You deserve to be able to take in the love and support that is being offered to you.

One more thing: Your brother’s decision not to be involved with your mother may be his solution for avoiding being hurt by her any more. Since it “kills” you, I do suggest you talk to him about it. Listen to him with compassion. It may be the only way he has found to take care of himself. It isn’t your place to try to “fix” his relationship with his mother. That’s between the two of them. Whether or not you agree with his position, you can have a positive relationship with your brother — and you can come to your own conclusion about what kind of connection, if any, you want with your mother.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Dissasociation & Obsessive Fear

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Dissasociation & Obsessive Fear. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/01/dissasociation-obsessive-fear/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.