I’m very glad you wrote. Please give yourself credit for the inner strength you must have that allowed you to come through your childhood experiences as well as you did. I’m impressed that now that you are in your 20s, you are trying to figure out the many conflicting feelings you have. It’s a difficult but important process — made especially so since your mother seems to continue to be in a mutually abusive relationship. You want to be sure that you aren’t going to repeat the kind of relationship you observed and experienced while growing up.
Internet quizzes, even those on the PsychCentral website, are not intended to be diagnostic. They are only intended to provide information as a starting point for those, like yourself, who sense that something is wrong. I don’t know if you have BPD, OCD, or ADD. Neither do you. What I do know is that the results of the quizzes confirm that you have troubling thoughts and feelings that need attention.
I encourage you to take the next step in your healing process. Make an appointment with a trained mental health counselor who can hear your whole story and help you understand yourself better. You deserve it. Your relationship with your boyfriend deserves it. You deserve to be able to take in the love and support that is being offered to you.
One more thing: Your brother’s decision not to be involved with your mother may be his solution for avoiding being hurt by her any more. Since it “kills” you, I do suggest you talk to him about it. Listen to him with compassion. It may be the only way he has found to take care of himself. It isn’t your place to try to “fix” his relationship with his mother. That’s between the two of them. Whether or not you agree with his position, you can have a positive relationship with your brother — and you can come to your own conclusion about what kind of connection, if any, you want with your mother.
I wish you well.