You’re correct, these are not normal types of feelings. Most people have no desire to kill. In fact, it repulses them. It’s not something that crosses most people’s minds.
You should immediately stop reading and watching anything related to crime. Avoid it altogether. Continuing to indulge your unhealthy interests can only make things worse.
I would recommend counseling. It could help you understand why you are feeling these urges but most importantly, how to eliminate them from your life. Continuing down this road can only lead to trouble.
For reasons that are not entirely clear, the idea of killing appeals to some people. Perhaps, as you suggested, fame and infamy are motivators. It might be that some people are suffering so much in their own lives, that they want to lash out at other people because they don’t know how else to deal with their pain. Whatever the reasons, you should know that murder is never the answer.
If you were to commit murder, your life would be over. You would spend the rest of your days living like an animal in an unbearably small prison cell, eating food barely fit for human consumption, and depending on where you live in the world, awaiting death by execution. It’s an understatement to say that prison is a hellish experience.
I’m glad that you wrote because it gives me a chance to warn you about the dangers of these types of thoughts and fantasies. Mental health treatment can correct whatever is wrong. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle