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I Am Tired of this Restricted Life

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From India: I am 16 years old and I know I am probably too young to be on this website. With great expectations, I am putting my question here. I am not yet an adult but I am tired of my parents being too overprotective and putting so many restrictions on me.

I am the geek girl, the introvert and the girl with limited friends. Yet my parents constantly doubt me and suspect me if I had done something wrong. They check my phone regularly; checking all my messages, call logs, contact list, my Facebook feed and almost everything. It is very disturbing to be checked like this when I don’t do anything wrong.

They claim trusting me but act the opposite. They just don’t let me grow up. They don’t let me become independent. I have no boyfriends and have never had any. I’m in high school and people at school even think that I’m lesbian. Please help.

I Am Tired of this Restricted Life

Answered by on -

A.

It sounds to me like you have loving but scared parents. They are so worried that something bad might happen to you that they are being extra, extra careful. From their point of view, they are only protecting you. But I do understand that from your point of view, you are feeling like they don’t really know who you are.

You are in a very difficult spot. If you rebel and do things they don’t approve of, it will confirm their worst fears. If you continue to go along with their rules, you don’t have an opportunity to grow and mature. It’s going to take tact and diplomacy on your part to change the relationship.

Have you tried asking them what you need to do to win their trust? If you could approach such a conversation with curiosity and an open mind instead of anger, they might be able to talk about it with you. Explain to them that you’ll be leaving home in only a few years and that you need to learn how to take care of yourself responsibly before that time. Ask them what they think are reasonable, gradual steps to your independence. What do they need to see to trust your judgment?

If they are able to list some steps, try to come to agreement about some first steps and how to evaluate whether you are successful.
It’s at least worth a try.

If they are unable to see you as a maturing person and aren’t able to let go at all, I wonder if there is a relative or adult friend you can turn to to intercede on your behalf. Sometimes adults will listen to other adults.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Am Tired of this Restricted Life

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Am Tired of this Restricted Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/10/31/i-am-tired-of-this-restricted-life/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.