I left for college at the end of August and moved into my dorm. Starting the very first night at college, every single night I would have panic attacks, shake uncontrollably, throw up, and be nauseous. I then began having thoughts of suicide 24/7 and I decided that it was too emotionally dangerous for me to be at college so I decided to move back home and go to community college instead for a couple years. So, I’ve been home about 3 weeks now and I feel better than I did at college. I don’t understand why I have the desire to be at home rather than away from it, considering the verbal and physical abuse?Why Did I Come Back to My Abusive Home?
Why Did I Come Back to My Abusive Home?
You couldn’t have known when you moved into your dorm that you would have such a powerful reaction to separation. I’m very glad you took care of yourself by recognizing the stress and making adjustments.
However, we are drawn to what is familiar — not necessarily to what is better. The origin of the word familiar and family is the same. When we are used to a way of living it is hard to change. Even if the change we are moving toward is a better one.
I would highly recommend counseling. If the community college has counselors on staff talk to them about your reaction and decision. If you are still near the university I would talk with them about getting onboard with counselors there to prepare for when you do make the transition.
If neither of these options are available to you, then I would look for a private therapist. You’ll want to get yourself ready for when you transition back to the university. The counseling will make that shift easier next time around.