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Jealousy and Feeling Hurt

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So I’m a college freshman and my girlfriend is a HS senior going to one of the sister international schools of the international HS that I graduated from. I get really jealous and panic whenever I’m with her family and friends because I compare how it’s so different from mine. Her family is so involved with the school while her friends are so cheerful most of the time. On top of that recently, she got in all varsity XC, making her an all three season varsity athlete of her school. I am extremely proud of her because she had 2 ACL injuries during her sophomore and junior year and she worked extremely hard to get where she is right now. It caused her to go through (and she’s still going through) a lot of emotional stress and problems. On top of that, she has really high GPA and going for near Ivy league school. We love each other and we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together and I love that she’s doing all of these but I get really jealous. She also mentioned how she’s thinking of applying for internship and that really made me panic and upset to be honest. I don’t know why I get upset and feel hurt every time she talks about her sports and school events. On top of that, it triggers me to think about how shit my life was compared to her. (From Japan)

Jealousy and Feeling Hurt

Answered by on -


I’m not sure exactly what your question is, but from your email it seems that your insecurity is coming from comparisons and that you would like to find a way to stop doing this to yourself.

Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT) is your best bet. Since you are at your university I would make an appointment with the university’s counseling center and explain your thought process to one of the counselors there. They can give you some tools for helping.

In the meantime, I highly recommend the book The Resilience Factor for you to begin learning these tools for yourself.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Jealousy and Feeling Hurt

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Jealousy and Feeling Hurt. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 13 Oct 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.