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How Do I Convince My Boyfriend to Come to My Family’s Wedding?

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My boyfriend of almost 5 years refuses to go with me to my brother’s wedding reception because his feelings are hurt and thinks that his invitation was not genuine but more of pity party invite. My family was against me dating him in the beginning due to different race, education, and background. He came from different family background and culturally not the same. Though I am an American living very much like a western person, my parents are super traditional, Asian-Christian family and believed that I should adhere to my parents’ wishes. After long time of fighting for my boyfriend and I, my mom came around. They do not 100% agree with me on my decision to date him but let me to continue in this relationship. They know we want to be married eventually so they are just waiting for the day for him to become the son-in-law they wanted for me. They have only met him twice thus far. At first they did not understand why I wanted to bring my boyfriend to my brother’s wedding because in Asian tradition, boyfriends are not part of the family yet so why the need to have him be at the wedding. They feel that it will be awkward for both parties since they can’t really speak English and cannot communicate with him. They feel like people will judge them and need to save face. When I voiced to my boyfriend that my parents have not given me any answer yet as to if he can attend, but I told him that it might be awkward for him since I am going to busy since I’m in the wedding party and he might be by himself the entire time. He became super upset at me saying he is tired of feeling like he is not the best in my family’s eyes and is done talking about this. I then talked my mom that I really want him to see how my family is like and learn our culture. I was able to convince them and when I told my bf, he said that he was not going to go because he doesn’t need a pity party from my parents. He doesn’t want to be where he is not wanted. Now if he does not end up going then I feel like it would look bad to my parents. He needs to stay at a hotel when he gets there and so I am afraid to tell him all these conditions that my mom spoke of but I really want him to go with me.

How Do I Convince My Boyfriend to Come to My Family’s Wedding?

Answered by on -

A.

As much as I sympathize with your position, it seems like your boyfriend going to the wedding is only something you want. As you say this goes against tradition, goes against what your parents believe is proper, will be awkward because of a language barrier, and isn’t something your boyfriend wants to do. I wouldn’t keep fighting for something with this much resistance. I am suggesting to go and enjoy your family — and celebrate your brother’s wedding. You don’t want to usurp your brother’s day with this concern.

How Do I Convince My Boyfriend to Come to My Family’s Wedding?

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). How Do I Convince My Boyfriend to Come to My Family’s Wedding?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/10/08/how-do-i-convince-my-boyfriend-to-come-to-my-familys-wedding/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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