You’ve said a tremendous amount in a short letter. I can’t assess what’s wrong with so little information, but I do believe you that you feel like something just isn’t right.
Sometimes the first counselor a person sees isn’t a “fit”. I encourage you to get a second opinion from a mental health counselor. Take your letter with you and share it as a way to give the counselor a quick overview of how you feel.
Among the issues I would want to explore with you are these:
You may be experiencing some of the common problems of an adult child of an alcoholic. Take a look at this website to see if it helps: http://www.adultchildren.org/
You said your mother hurt you. You may be working through trauma related to those experiences. See this website: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
You described a history of ups and downs. I don’t have enough information to determine whether that was in reaction to what was going on at home or if you may have symptoms of bi-polar illness. When you see a therapist, she/he will be able to help you figure that out.
You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Please follow through and take care of yourself by finding a counselor to work with.
I wish you well.