Thank you for writing in with this very sensitive question. The effects of abuse both from childhood or as an adult, can be deep, wide reaching and intermittent. In other words, sometimes she may be fine with intimacy and other times she will not be. A big factor also has to do with how much work she herself has done toward healing. You don’t mention if she is, or ever has been, in therapy to work through the effects of her past trauma. Either way, you might consider going together for a few sessions to improve your ability to meet her where she is and her ability to communicate what she needs at any given point in time.
Victims of abuse have been violated by another person, who many times, was someone who was supposed to love and care for them. It is understandable how there can be long standing issues with trust. Please try not to take this personally. Let her know how much you care for her and that you want to support her and her healing. Patience, empathy and consistency should eventually lead to greater emotional and physical intimacy. It may be a difficult journey, but a rewarding one.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts