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I Just Don’t Know if I Am Gay or Not

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From the U.S.: Hi, I am a female and a junior in high school. I think I might be gay but I don’t know, and it’s frustrating and scary. I thought I liked boys up until now. All through junior high all I ever wanted was a boyfriend. I was boy crazy and I wanted to date every boy in the school. Now, I have a boyfriend, and when we first started dating, I really liked him. I loved holding hands with him and cuddling. But after about 4 months I have no interest in touching him or kissing him or even talking to him. But I don’t know if this is because I don’t have feelings for him specifically, or boys in general.

I should also tell you that for as long as I can remember I always become obsessed with older, pretty girls on TV shows, or even in real life. I don’t know if it is because I’m attracted to them, or because I just want to be them. I also have no problem with gay people and I think being gay is awesome. I think people should be aloud to love whoever they want to love and should not be judged for it.

I can imagine myself being gay. I can imagine spending the rest of my life with a girl and it doesn’t bother me one bit. I almost want to be gay. But I still don’t know if I am, or if this is just a phase. I’m confused and I just want to know do you think I could be gay, or do you have any advice on how I can figure it out? Thank you for taking the time to read this and to help me.

I Just Don’t Know if I Am Gay or Not

Answered by on -


I can’t determine your sexual orientation on the basis of a letter, of course. What I can tell you is this: Some researchers have said that people are on a continuum from homosexuality to heterosexuality. Some people are clearly one or the other. Lots of people lean one way or another. Still others fall in love with a person, regardless of the gender. You are fortunate to live in a time when it is far more permissible to explore one’s sexuality than in prior generations. The down side is that it can be very confusing.

For what it’s worth: I don’t think your feelings about your boyfriend are an indicator of your sexuality. I think you’re just not that into him anymore. As you’ve gotten to know him better, you may have decided that he really isn’t the one for you. Listen to your feelings. Don’t waste his or your own time. Break up kindly and make yourself available to start seeing other people. You’ll figure out who you’re attracted to as you go through the very normal process of self-discovery that goes on at your age.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Just Don’t Know if I Am Gay or Not

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Just Don’t Know if I Am Gay or Not. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 28 Sep 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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