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My Mom Makes Me Feel Ashamed of Myself

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I feel like I’m a somewhat normal person. I’m too scared from social anxiety to ever try to be “out there”. Despite that, my mom always looks at me with distaste. She once took me out with her to go shopping, and when I brought clothes to the changing room, she looked at me like I was crazy for wanting to buy anything (why bring me shopping if she doesn’t want me to get anything???). She doesn’t like when I spend money, even if it’s not her money. She doesn’t like it when I wear shorts(even in the summer heat), or anything semi-nice, I feel like she is slut-shaming me with her eyes, and I don’t even dress inappropriately because of my issues with my body.

It really doesn’t help with my image of myself when she looks at me like that. It makes me really self conscious. It’s also depressing, because she isn’t very supportive. She doesn’t like spending money on us, so whenever I ask her about something, she gets annoyed. I almost feel bad to ask her for something like a new pair of shoes, because mine has holes and I can’t afford new ones.

I just today asked her opinion on me going on gap year to a different country. I didn’t mention this part, but school has got me really down, almost to the point of not wanting to BE anymore. I just want a break, and I was planning on using the money my grandpa gave me, and getting a job. However, after asking, she just kept trying to discourage me while looking like she was angry at me for asking. After that, I went back to my room and had a huge panic attack where i couldn’t breathe and felt numb and like I was going to faint.

It’s this kind of lack of support that makes me scared to tell her that I have problems like depression and anxiety. Actually, I told her about anxiety, she told me to find out whats wrong and fix it. That didn’t really help. She’s the only parent I can confide in, because i’m terrified of my dad, yet I feel like I can’t talk to her without being judged and shamed. What should I do?

My Mom Makes Me Feel Ashamed of Myself

Answered by on -

A.

This doesn’t sound like a very happy home to have grown up in. You are afraid of your father and your mother’s anger. Since you list your age as 20 and in college I think it is time to plan your emotional and financial independence. Whatever issues your parents have it is not likely they are going to be changing soon.

You college will have a counseling center and I would recommend you begin there — particularly if they have any groups you could join. Part of what has to happen now is for you to build support outside of you mother and father. Counseling at the college is a good place to begin.

Thank you for sending us your letter.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Mom Makes Me Feel Ashamed of Myself

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Mom Makes Me Feel Ashamed of Myself. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/09/27/my-mom-makes-me-feel-ashamed-of-myself/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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