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My Older Sister Doesn’t Want Me to Be Happy

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From a 17 year old young woman in the U.S.: My sister tells on me about everything like we’re 5. She tells my dad if I go outside, if I talk to boys, If I use my laptop or phone, or if I go outside. What is wrong with her? Why does she do that?

It seems to me that she wants me to be miserable and make my life hell and I think she is jealous. I think she likes to see me on punishment. I’m 17 and will be 18 in September and she’s 20.

She also always tries to fight me like I’m someone random on the street. When we fight she tries to kick me down the steps or pull my hair and throw things at me. She is also bipolar but that is still no excuse because I am too but I take my medication (seroquel) and even before being on meds I still didn’t treat people badly.

I take care of her 4 year old son who she neglected for years I practically raised him. She never did for me like I do for her. She’s only making our relationship worst I really can’t stand her I’m about to be grown. I also can’t wait until I leave for college because I feel she’s gonna realize everything once I’m gone and it’ll be too late. At this point I’m just done with her I don’t have any sympathy, all she likes to do is be angry at the world and take it out on others.

My Older Sister Doesn’t Want Me to Be Happy

Answered by on -


I don’t know what’s wrong with your sister. I do know that her behavior is unacceptable. Where are your parents? How is it that she is allowed to hurt you? If she is living in the home, your parents have the right and obligation to tell her that she can’t behave like this. You (and her son) deserve their protection.

My only guess about the way she treats you is the same as yours — jealousy. It may be very painful to watch you have a life that is so different from her own. She had a baby when she was only 16. She may regret her choices. She may feel that she missed out on the fun of being a teen.

Go to college to get an education, not to get appreciation from your sister. Whatever her issues are, it’s unlikely that seeing you move forward in life is going to cause her to think differently.

Meanwhile, I hope your sister is getting some therapy and some parent education. She is only 20. She has a long life ahead of her. She will do herself and her son a big favor if she takes care of her issues now so they both can be happy and healthy.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Older Sister Doesn’t Want Me to Be Happy

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Older Sister Doesn’t Want Me to Be Happy. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 15 Sep 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.