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Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?

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From S. Africa: My friend in question, now married, when angry would force himself onto his wife and sits on her, urinate over her and would put his penis in her face. How do I offer help to him? Does this mean that he was sexually abused as a child?

Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?

Answered by on -

A.

I don’t have enough information to make a guess about his experience as a child. Whether or not he was sexually abused himself, he has no right to treat his wife with such disrespect and violence. Yes, he needs help. But so does she. Love never includes committing or tolerating sexual violence.

The first priority is always to make sure everyone is safe. If the wife hasn’t been able to leave, she should — at least until she is sure this behavior has stopped. Both members of this couple need love and support from their friends and family. Both members of this couple need treatment. He needs to understand himself and to resolve his rage and contempt for women. She needs to understand herself and to develop the self-respect she needs to refuse being treated so terribly. They both need help understanding what a loving relationship is really about.

I wish everyone well.
Dr. Marie

Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/09/12/was-my-friend-sexually-abused-as-a-child/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.