From S. Africa: My friend in question, now married, when angry would force himself onto his wife and sits on her, urinate over her and would put his penis in her face. How do I offer help to him? Does this mean that he was sexually abused as a child?Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?
Was My Friend Sexually Abused as a Child?
I don’t have enough information to make a guess about his experience as a child. Whether or not he was sexually abused himself, he has no right to treat his wife with such disrespect and violence. Yes, he needs help. But so does she. Love never includes committing or tolerating sexual violence.
The first priority is always to make sure everyone is safe. If the wife hasn’t been able to leave, she should — at least until she is sure this behavior has stopped. Both members of this couple need love and support from their friends and family. Both members of this couple need treatment. He needs to understand himself and to resolve his rage and contempt for women. She needs to understand herself and to develop the self-respect she needs to refuse being treated so terribly. They both need help understanding what a loving relationship is really about.
I wish everyone well.