Whenever I’m holding something sharp in my hands and I’m near someone I wonder what would happen if I stabbed them with it. I won’t be angry, I’ll just be curious, mostly about what the blood looks like. I got so curious that last week, I cut my hand open with a knife so I could see the blood, and I didn’t realize it was strange until I was cleaning it up. Lately, whenever I touch anyone, I start thinking about their insides and wondering what they’d look like cut up.
I also started wondering if there’s something emotionally wrong with me. Whenever I think about my friends or my family dying, it doesn’t seem sad, it seems like an inconvenience. The only people I really think I would miss are my brother and maybe one of my friends. I started thinking that to test this theory someone close to me needed to die, and then I realized how wrong that is. You’re not supposed to want your loved ones to die, that’s not right. I really don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I really need some professional advice.I Think There’s Something Seriously Wrong with Me
I Think There’s Something Seriously Wrong with Me
You described a pattern of concerning incidents that seem to be progressing. At first you focused on yourself. Now you are including other people, thinking about what it would be like to hurt them. These types of thoughts are worrisome. They’re outside the range of normal.
Happy, emotionally-stable people are not thinking about hurting themselves or other people. People who are unsatisfied or maybe even depressed, might think about hurting themselves or others as a way to relieve their emotional pain. It’s a maladaptive coping strategy and should prompt an evaluation by a mental health professional.
Your letter didn’t include any information about what led up to these incidents or what might be wrong. That’s the type of information a mental health professional would inquire about to better understand the problem. Without that information, it’s difficult to know what might be wrong.
This is not a problem you should ignore. My recommendation is to consult a mental health professional. He or she can provide insight into the problem and most importantly, assist you in correcting it.
Killing someone would obviously destroy the life of another person, but it would also mean sacrificing your own life. Do you have any sense of how terrible your life would become if you were sent to prison? It’s violent, unsafe, unsanitary, and dreadful. If you don’t believe me, read the many lawsuits that have been filed on behalf of inmates across the country, describing the grotesque and hellish conditions in our prison system. I suspect the conditions are worse than any of us “outsiders” can imagine.
If you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, call the authorities or go to the hospital. It’s important that you do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and others from harm. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle