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Stressful Communication Problems

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I’m considering getting back with an ex, I’ve given it a lot of thought and we both seem to want to give it another try. There are things in the relationship I wasn’t happy with like the fact that he wasn’t that open, it was quite hard to get past a certain point with him to become closer and a few other issues like he wasn’t great for contacting me when we weren’t together. However when I try to talk to him about anything I seem to come across very seriously which I think panics him and all of a sudden everything gets blown out of proportion and it comes back to whether we should be together. We just cant seem to communicate with each other very well. It’s really stressful, I just want to be able to talk to him in a way that he hears and doesn’t feel like I’m attacking him. Maybe you could give me some advice on how best to approach conversations with him? (From Dublin)

Stressful Communication Problems

Answered by on -


(Note — I am actually in Dublin as I respond to this question!) I would work exclusively on the communication issue with either a couple therapist, a couple weekend workshop run by someone well-qualified, or at the very least read Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks and do the exercises in the back of the book. They are designed to help you understand the cause of the problem and ways to work through it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Stressful Communication Problems

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Stressful Communication Problems. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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