current_problem: From the U.S: I’m 14. My parents control every part of my life and sometimes use physical force. For example, not too long ago, my mom yelled at me for being on the phone for 15 min in the basement. She got my dad for backup and he gave me 4 blows to the side of the head and bent my glasses.
Yesterday, I had a mental breakdown because of awful things she said. I made sure that I didn’t do it in front of her since last time I did, she beat me cause I couldn’t shut up. She would say something and not give a reason when I asked. For example, I asked her if I could cut my hair a bit below my shoulders and she said no. I tried getting her to explain her decision but she said, “I never have to answer you and I never will,” and shut the door. I asked her if I could meet my boyfriend at the library and she said, “No, I don’t like this boy, forget about him,” and left when I tried getting her to give him a chance. My dad’s way of “settling” things is by hitting and im sick and tired of it.
Now a days, I feel sad pretty much all the time and sometimes start crying out of no where. I feel emotionally abused by my parents and dislike things/people I use to like. I’ve lost my appetite and shake when ever I hear my parents foot step or feel them behind me. Everynow and then I would get an anxiety attack or just completely break down. Am I being a big baby? Am I just a bad daughter? Aw this thing is a mess and doesn’t make sense =(
You are not being a big baby. From what you wrote, I don’t see that you are a bad daughter so much as a normal 14-year-old who is beginning to want more independence.
Let me be perfectly clear: Parents do not have the right to beat their children — ever. They do have the right to be unreasonable and to set rules you don’t like. But they don’t have the right to hit you and to make you so scared of them that you are having anxiety.
Please talk to your school nurse or school counselor or a teacher or another adult you trust about what is going on. Your parents need help learning how to parent a teen without resorting to violence. It is likely that they will only accept that help if another adult talks to them.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
My Parents Have Ruined My Life
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Parents Have Ruined My Life. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/08/31/my-parents-are-ruining-my-life/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.