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I Can’t Let Go of My Wife’s Past

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From the U.S.: I can’t let go of my wife’s past sexual encounters. Not only can’t I let it go, I get consumed and angry about it and I lash out at her trying to make her feel bad about what she has done. It feels like she did these things as a personal attack towards me and I wasn’t even around at the time and now it has caused us to get a divorce and all I want is my wife back

I Can’t Let Go of My Wife’s Past

Answered by on -

A.

What you didn’t mention is whether you already knew of her past before you married and went ahead anyway. If so, you must have decided that there were many things about her that outweighed your reservations. If that’s the case, you have been angry at yourself, not at her. It was unfair to turn that anger on her. As you pointed out, her past had nothing to do with you.

Not having met your wife, or you, I have no idea whether you can recover the marriage. Regardless, it’s not a good idea to go through the rest of your life carrying anger and regrets. If you haven’t already contacted a therapist, I hope you will. If you could have come to terms with this sad end to your marriage on your own, you would have done so already.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Can’t Let Go of My Wife’s Past

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Can’t Let Go of My Wife’s Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/08/29/i-cant-let-go-of-my-wifes-past/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.