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Irritated Only at Boyfriend Easily, But Don’t Yell or Scream

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Sometimes my boyfriend will say something small that might irritate me, but I don’t say anything. I just let our conversation continue until he notices that my voice sounds a bit irritated or upset. Then when he asks what’s wrong I just tell him why I’m upset. When he says “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” I still feel irritated and upset like nothing has changed, like he didn’t apologize. He continues to apologize and when I still feel upset I just keep saying “okay” in a calm tone to everything he says. It’s almost like I can’t get out of a negative mindset when he makes me upset. We’re in a long distance relationship so maybe there’s just stress there because of the distance, but I’m worried it might be something more. I don’t get like this with other people. When I get angry at one of my siblings I express it differently. I will argue with them normally, not stay calm and act sarcastic. Is there something wrong with me? Or our relationship? I had anxiety last year due to a big move to a new city for college, but these feelings/reactions didn’t appear until maybe a few months ago. Sometimes this happens 4 or 5 days a week when we skype or call on the phone. Sometimes it happens more because it’s tiny little things that could make me act like this. I just shut my brain off, let him talk, and barely say anything. When we hang up I don’t even want to say “I love you” even if he has apologized multiple times. What’s wrong with me? Please help :(

Irritated Only at Boyfriend Easily, But Don’t Yell or Scream

Answered by on -

A.

I would need more information about your relationship to know why this problem has developed. Did something change? Did you meet someone else? Do you not feel the same way about him anymore? Did he do something to change the way you feel about him? Those are just some of the questions that could help me determine what might be wrong.

One thing is for certain, if you don’t change the way you behave, you risk losing the relationship. Giving him the “cold shoulder,” staying quiet and withholding affection are all emotional abuse tactics. If you fail to communicate your feelings and continue the abuse, you can’t expect him to want to stay in this relationship for much longer. Abuse of any kind is intolerable.

People tend to abuse those closest to them, the people they love. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes can be forgiven, but repeated acts of mistreatment constitute a pattern. We must always try to treat people kindly and fairly and not abuse them in any way. Treat him how you would want to be treated.

If you’d like to explore your irritability and the reason for it in more depth, consider counseling but in the meantime, make a concerted effort to treat him kindly even when you are upset. Continuing your behavior could ultimately mean the end of your relationship. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Irritated Only at Boyfriend Easily, But Don’t Yell or Scream

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Irritated Only at Boyfriend Easily, But Don’t Yell or Scream. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/08/27/irritated-only-at-boyfriend-easily-but-dont-yell-or-scream/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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