I rented out a beautiful flat, but the moment I moved in I started feeling that my sister in law (husband’s brother’s wife) will be jealous and she might also buy flat in same society. She has copied me several times before, but never gives credit and many times people see things at her place first and then think it is me who has copied her. This time, I have this fear from the last 4 months that she will buy flat in the place where I am currently renting so that when we move out they can come in. And I won’t be able to tolerate that as they will come to know about this flat through me, but I will never be acknowledged for that and secondly, everyone else in the family will praise them that they bought the flat here (no one will remember that we rented here first and through us they came to know of this place) and thirdly, they will become superior to me and they will flourish more as there are lots of opportunities and facilities in this society. Because of this fear, I am not inviting anyone home, especially my inlaws and secondly I am planning to move out to other society before I invite anyone here. What is wrong with me and what should I do to overcome this?
Other issue is: I cannot share things with anyone, especially in-laws. For example, I currently learnt how to ice the cake and if they see me doing it, they will ask how to do it or they will learn through someone else after seeing me. Again, here the end result will be they will directly or indirectly learn through me but will never give credit to me. So, I am afraid of showing or telling something nice about me to them. (From India)Sister-In-Law Tries to Copy Me
Sister-In-Law Tries to Copy Me
Thank you for writing us here at PsychCentral. What I understand from your letter is that your fear of having your sister-in-law copy you is dominating your thoughts and actions. This seems to be preventing you from enjoying your own accomplishments for fear that others will give credit to your sister-in-law. This is known as a thinking trap. I recommend a book called The Resilience Factor. This will help you understand how to challenge your thinking at the root of it, and give you tools so that you can enjoy your own accomplishments. Until you get out of the trap everything you do will be guarded.