Hi, I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 yrs and I’m at a loss right now. Here is the story. After six months of dating I found that he was texing a girl in a very sexual manner, then at 11 months I found he was talking to another girl. The second was the baby sister to my daughter at the time. The only reason I suspected anything both times was he constantly talked about them and always tried to get my approval of them. He hasn’t texted another girl since (that I know of), because I told him I would leave him if I found he was talking to another girl. Now almost 2 yrs later we have a son together and everything seemed great between us. But two weeks after our son was born the dropped a bomb on me. He said that he was no longer happy in our relationship and didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore. Now about a month later we are working out and he seems to be happier, but I’m left with so much anxiety. I’m feeling sick after every time I eat and my stomach is constantly upset. Because I know this is wrong of me but I had to find out if I was just being toyed with. I hacked his facebook and found out he has been constantly messaging random girls and asking if they were single and telling them they were beautiful. I’m lost at what to do because I don’t want to be a single mom of two with do income and I love this man so much. I want this relationship to work. but is it unhealthy for me to hang on?
I do think it is unhealthy for you to hang on. If you don’t find a way to resolve this with him — either by making it better or separating — do you really want to have a life where all you are doing is hanging on?
He has been unfaithful over and over. I think that as uncomfortable as it will be to confront the issue directly — I don’t think living with your anxiety is the way to go.
I recommend a couples therapist to do two things: first, evaluate your relationship to see if there’s enough there to work on. Secondly, if there is then work together to help improve your relationship. If not, have the couple’s therapist help you separate.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m at a Loss. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/08/23/im-at-a-loss/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.