Hi, within the past year I have been hospitalized three times and I have been in two treatment centers. I have been diagnosed with everything from Borderline to Bipolar with Psychosis, but all of my treating physicians say that those diagnosis’ are incorrect. I deal with chronic suicidal thoughts, frequent self-harm, I apparently engage in risky behaviors, I lack eye contact, I can’t tell the difference between different emotions, I don’t feel pain, I have social anxiety, I don’t like to be touched, I freak out if things aren’t in the right order or the same place, specific sounds drive me up a wall, I can’t concentrate with any noise, I get obsessed about certain things, I stutter whenever I read, I get overwhelmed/frustrated really easily, the only emotions I feel like I feel are angry, frustrated, and empty,and I apparently dissociate to a certain extent, I also think I may hoard some things, and I have trouble relaying to people through words what is going on/what I feel. The thing that mind-boggles me is the fact no one believes I live in two worlds, people from both world’s say that the other world isn’t real. In my other world my therapist there says that I should leave Earth so I can be there and be peaceful. I can go there, and my friends from there can come here. Sometimes they follow me around during the day and correct me when I am not doing what they want me too. I am so confused what place is real, I am sure you are going to say Earth is real, but what if it’s not, how do I know the right thing to do? Well, my psychiatrist thinks that they are just a way of me coping. Then that would mean that they aren’t real, but they are? I am so confused. My therapist has no clue. I feel like therapy just makes things worse, I end up completely “shutting down.” Medicines don’t help either. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have people pulling me every which a way, I am tired of all of this. I feel like no one understands me. I know you don’t know me but can you tell me possibly what is going on. I would appreciate anything. Thank you!Why Can’t Anyone Find A Diagnosis For Me?
Why Can’t Anyone Find A Diagnosis For Me?
I would tend to agree with your psychiatrist, who suggested that feeling as though you’re living in two worlds may be a coping mechanism. It’s also possible that the two-worlds feeling is a symptom of psychosis.
Other explanations include your disassociation is to blame or it may be that your medications are interacting in a negative way. Being on the wrong medication could also be part of the problem.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible for me to make a determination about what might be wrong without having the ability to interview you in person. I would suggest attempting to find a mental health professional whom you trust and feel to be competent. This is not to suggest that your current providers are incompetent but perhaps you haven’t found the right treatment providers for your needs.
Understandably, it’s difficult to make these inquiries while continuing to experience intrusive symptoms, but it’s worthwhile to search for professionals who can meet your needs.
You might try dialectical behavioral treatment (DBT). DBT is a specific type of intensive therapy that targets many of the symptoms described. Some of the concepts for DBT were derived from Buddhists meditative practices. Studies have found that DBT can be quite effective. I hope this helps. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle