I hope expressing your feelings helped a little. You’ve been carrying these feelings of helplessness and hopelessness much too long. It must be terrible to feel so alone. I’m sorry you can’t reach to your parents for support. But if you really can’t, you do need to find other people who can help you.
In situations as you describe, I always advise people to first consult with their medical doctor. The troubles with concentration and depression just may have a medical cause. It’s at least important to check.
If you are medically okay, the next step is to look at lifestyle. Are you keeping regular hours and getting enough sleep? Are you feeding yourself well? Do you get some exercise every day? Perhaps most important, are you spending time with other people? If the answer to those questions is yes, we then move to mental health.
I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter, of course, but I can tell you this: There are many people who work hard for a goal and then fall apart on reaching it. It’s as if all the energy was focused on getting to the goal and there is none left for actually enjoying it or working on it.
In my practice I’ve seen many young people who were stellar students in high school who then got into a top university and failed. Why? I think at least partly because they are tired; partly because they are competing with other stellar students for the first time and aren’t prepared for it; partly because they are on their own for the first time and don’t have the structure of high school or their parents’ rules to guide them. For these students, university is overwhelming. The response is often acute anxiety and/or depression.
If any of those possibilities seem true for you, it would be most helpful for you to see a counselor. You’ve already tried your best to help yourself with little success. It’s time to seek and accept some outside support.
I don’t know what resources are available to you in Albania. I suggest that talking with your physician is a good place to start. He or she will know where to refer you. It’s also possible that your university has a counseling center. If so, I encourage you to contact them.
If anyone reading thisis familiar with services she can access in her country, please help her out and comment. Thank you.
I wish you well.