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Silent Break-Up

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From Greece: I broke up with my fiancé. I am 33 and he is 35. We were together for 6 years and the last 2 we were engaged. I was the one that left the house because the last months he was has pressure from his job and also he was telling me that I was putting pressure on him. He didn’t want to talk with me and when I was trying to make conversations he was telling that I was nagging and he was leaving.

The day that I left I was calling him to bring some stuff home .I called him around 3 times and he didn’t pick up the phone and the 4th time that he answered it, when I asked him where are you he started screaming at me, then he came home he broke up my mobile and he continue to scream and telling me now I will see how you are going to call me. He made me really upset and I told him that it is enough and I am leaving. He didn’t do anything and he left from the house. I took some stuff and I left and came to my parent’s house.

After 5 days he deleted me from fb and put on that he is single. He didn’t try to contact me and I didn’t contact him as well. After 17 days he came at my parent;s garden and he left bags with my clothes and other stuff, and he called my brother to tell him that he left my stuff in the garden. Again he didn’t contact me. 24 days after I left the house and a week after he brought my stuff he contacted me for the first time now by a text in which he was writing next week I will bring you some of your furniture. During these days I called him twice, but he never answered my calls. Why he has this behavior? What I must do?

Silent Break-Up

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sure this is very painful. It sounds like he has been planning to leave for some time, but you were caught completely by surprise. Your boyfriend is the only person who can answer your question about his behavior. I suspect he doesn’t answer your calls because he doesn’t want you to try to talk him out of leaving.

I think you should calmly ask him to meet with you to help you understand what has come between you. Let him know that as much as you’d like him to change his mind, you won’t put pressure on him. Tell him that you need to hear from his perspective what happened to the love between you. That is the path to forgiveness and to moving on.

Then keep your word. Do your best to simply hear what he has to say. Don’t try to persuade or convince him to come back. Just tell him how you feel about him and ask him to rethink his position. Staying calm will be difficult for you but it is the only way you will get the information you are looking for.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Silent Break-Up

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Silent Break-Up. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/30/silent-break-up/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.