I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and its driving me crazy. I was dx with schizophrenia, but even though I feel like I don’t have that, just knowing about it doesn’t help anything at all. I am in an early psychosis program, and they’ve helped me a lot but I still feel like I’m not getting any better with some things. I feel like I can never be normal or live normally….
I feel nervous around people all the time. I don’t know what causes it, but I feel like I fear for my mind whenever I walk outside or around other people. I have no friends or social life. I just wonder what’s wrong with me that I repel people so much. I guess I don’t know how to interact with people and it makes me sad. Sometimes though I’m conflicted because I don’t want friends or anyone in my life, I’ve been rejected too much and now I no longer care. But it bothers me still that I’m like this.
I’m quiet and I don’t talk a lot. I used to not talk at all in school and I was always alone. I feel like no one wants me because I can’t speak well or they think I’m crazy. I can barely talk to the doctors about my thoughts/feelings because I feel like I have nothing to say. Sometimes I believe that I have no thoughts or feelings because I’m not real. I believe that I don’t really exist as a real person. I’m just not like other people.
I have no hobbies or anything. I try doing things and it’s so difficult to concentrate that I can’t do anything anymore. I’m in university and thinking of quitting. It’s like I can’t do it anymore. I have no plan for if I do quit. I have nothing.
No one understands me. I go to a councilor too and I feel like she secretly hates me or knows about my thoughts…. I just wonder what’s wrong with me that causes me to feel this way.What’s Wrong with Me?
What’s Wrong with Me?
I am sorry that you are experiencing such a difficult time. What you may be describing are some of the social challenges of schizophrenia. In fact, a hallmark characteristic of schizophrenia is impaired social functioning.
Navigating the social world is an inherently difficult task and even more so for people with schizophrenia. Studies consistently show that individuals with schizophrenia underperform in areas of social skills and social problem-solving.
Gerry Hogarty and his colleagues have developed a treatment for the social cognitive deficits associated with schizophrenia and related disorders called cognitive enhancement therapy (CET). The treatment is multidimensional and involves computer-based training for attention, memory and problem solving.
Group therapy is also an essential element of CET. The group therapy sessions focus on teaching cognitive flexibility, how to take the perspective of another person, how to develop better emotional perception, among other things. The essential goal is improved social functioning. Thus far, the results of CET have been quite promising.
You mentioned being part of an early psychosis program. You should inquire about whether or not they offer CET or some version of social skills training. If not, perhaps they could refer you to the appropriate services. I think you would benefit from social skills training and or coaching. I hope this helps. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle