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Why Did This Friendship Fall Apart?

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From Pakistan: I had a friend and she resembled with my cousin whose family are now angry with our family, so we separated 2.5 years ago. I took admission in college 2 years ago and found a girl who looked like my cousin. I kept on chasing her to be my friend and then made her my friend. That was the most precious time for me having her company sitting besides her and one thing more she also used to came to me whenever  was sitting alone. We became very close friends shared secrets with each other.

But suddenly we both started to ignore each other. I started to ignore her because I was feeling so use to her so it was not a healthy sign for me. I started to avoid her so that I would not depend on her too much, but sometimes when she used to ignore me, I started to become crazy and alone and passionate to get her back. She was also becoming aware of my feelings.

One day I said to her on the internet “u are not loyal with me.” The next day when we met at college she was angry with me and it seemed she wept all the night. Next day when I asked her reason of her anger she said “it’s nothing leave me alone.” I again chased her, she shouted “for God’s sake leave me now,” and then went out of the class. When I went after her after sometime I saw that she was crying a lot.

One of our friends asked me to go to apologize her while I was hesitating, but then when I started to move towards her she said to her friend tell her to leave me, “Why is she coming towards me?” We were very good friends and she used to know and understand me even if I was unable to know myself, but whenever I told her about my sincerest feelings for her she used to ignore and avoid me. now for the whole year we used to fight again and again.

some of her harsh words kill me and I am unable to forgive her, but I want to forgive her. I am unable to forget her too while I do not perhaps love her as much as I did before. One thing more, we fought last time about one month ago. Now she sees my posts but won’t like them, but sees them too i.e. does not ignore. Please reply soon tomorrow is our last day at college as our summer vacations will be started. Waiting for ur reply.

Why Did This Friendship Fall Apart?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m so very sorry this situation is so painful for you. Without talking to her, I can only make a guess about what is going on. It may not be correct.

Sometimes when friends get this close, one or the other person gets frightened about her own feelings. A very, very close friendship can become confusing: Where does friendship end and romance begin? Perhaps she is having feelings for you (or she senses that you might be having feelings for her) and she cannot handle it. If that is the case, she might need to push you away by fighting with you and ignoring you.

If that is a possible explanation and you want to be her friend, she would need you to reassure her that you want to only be her friend, not her lover. Then she might be able to relax in your company. If you do want to become more than a friend, be honest about your feelings but let her know that you will respect her limits.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Why Did This Friendship Fall Apart?

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Why Did This Friendship Fall Apart?. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/24/why-did-this-friendship-fall-apart/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.