I really don’t think god is punishing you. I do think you are right that the problem is in your thinking. This looks like obsessional thinking to me. Thoughts, especially negative thoughts, go around and around and around in your head. My guess is that you haven’t found a way to stop them. Such thoughts just seem to come and go without any help from you. The thoughts are getting in the way of forming real friendships and they are probably making it difficult for you to concentrate in manage school.
Obsessional thinking is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The good news is that this is a disorder that can be treated. You need to get away from gaming and into some therapy. A therapist who is experienced with obsessional thinking will show you how to regain control of your thoughts and your life.
Unfortunately, I don’t know what resources are available to you in Iran. If there is a counselor at your school, it may be a good place to start. If your parents will be sympathetic, you could also ask them to help get you to a mental health counselor. It might be helpful if you showed them this letter.
I wish you well.|