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My Mother Is Ruining My Mental Health

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From the U.S.: I am age 15, and I am normally a very bright, happy student. With many friends and a fantastic father, my life is generally very nice. Only problem I have is my mother. She is a lazy, and very complaining woman who does not do anything to help contribute to the household.

I want to be an astounding student but she doesn’t care about my education. If she is not able to help me in my studies fine. But she does not even clean the house, she sleeps when I am at school and my father at work and continues doing so as I go home. My father finishes a very long and exhausting work from 6am to 8pm in New York and sometimes still has to cook dinner.

Not only does my mother not do work, she spends money excessively and asks my father to pay the bills. It is not easy to make money, and she doesn’t make any, so some of the bill’s my father is not happy to pay. OF course he still does but my mother does have a job too. She should pay for some own expenses. Now once my father suggests she pay some, she immediately goes on stupid, useless, insolent and empty threats like “I’m leaving now bye forever”, or “I’m going to kill myself”. These threats, she never does and they have occurred at least 20 times in the past couple of months.

I am trying so hard to cope with it and keep myself the way I always am but its eating away at me now. I feel my mental health deteriorating and I need to make her change. I have already gotten to the point where I can’t respect my mom and sometimes not love her. She is affecting me too much. When she threatens to leave it directly impacts my studies.

How will I go to school, or extracurriculars? I need to change her now. She threatens to call social workers on my innocent hardworking and perfect father claiming he is mistreating her which is entirely false. My dad has done everything for me and I love him. If she calls workers this will kill my reputation to. please help

My Mother Is Ruining My Mental Health

Answered by on -

A.

Your mother isn’t ruining your mental health. Your over-involvement with your parents’ fight is. You may be correct in your observations but it is your father’s job, not yours, to intervene with your mother.

Has it ever occurred to you that your mother may be ill, not lazy? Your description of her reads like someone who may be either significantly depressed or bipolar. If so, she isn’t doing what she does to hurt you. It sounds to me like she is drowning and your dad and you won’t throw her a life-preserver. You just criticize her for drowning.

If I were to see your family, the first thing I would do would be to get your mom to a doctor to make sure all is well with her medically. If so, I would then insist that she get a psychological evaluation to determine if she needs treatment for mental illness. I hope you will pass these suggestions to your Dad.

Then get out of it! Love your mom. Show her some support. But get on with your own business (school and extracurriculars) and stop using your mom’s problems as an excuse. Study in the library if home is too distracting. Get involved in after-school activities that interest you or get a part time job that will help you develop some skills. You should be building your resume in order to get into a good college or to enter the workforce as more than a beginner.

I wish you all well.
Dr. Marie

My Mother Is Ruining My Mental Health

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Mother Is Ruining My Mental Health. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/14/my-mother-is-ruining-my-mental-health/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.