I respectfully disagree with you. All the signals are not there for reconciliation. Your husband hasn’t changed over the 12 year separation. For reasons you may never understand, he is not able to be the kind of man you want him to be. It must be terribly disappointing.
Now that you are in your 60s, you may have had hopes that the two of you could enjoy each other’s companionship and perhaps care for each other in those senior years. Sadly, those hopes have been dashed — which may be what is “triggering” you. The relationship, such as it is, only exists because you are a “determined woman.” It is dependent on your insistence. Your husband is meeting that powerful force with something just as powerful: passive resistance.
If you want love and companionship, please give up on this man. Make yourself available for someone who wants what you want out of life and who can communicate emotionally as well as verbally. You deserve to have that in your life. But you will only find it if you go out and look for it.
I wish you well.