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Self-Sabotage on Career & Mother Issue

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I am a 30 year old woman, self-sabotaging and confused and this is costing my independence, my self worth and mental health.

6 Months ago the job I was working for stopped paying regularly so I went searching for a new job to pay my bills. I got a few interviews, but nothing came out of it. I stopped being able to pay my rent and I asked my mother for financial help, which although very concerned accepted to help me.

Months passed by and last week she started being judgmental on my lack of a job. The pain of judgment and failure burns so much it makes me mad. I found out the only way to soothe that is to admit failure to my mother. It’s like telling her I am a failure takes away responsability but also judgement and pressure.

My relationship with her has always been very dysfunctional since teenage years. What if after so many years, I am still punishing her with being a disappointment for her?

I also suffer from depression and social phobia, in my job interviews I feel uncomfortable, contradictory, and that comes up my self sabotage actions, small but defiant ones. Or maybe I am just over analyzing but still this self evaluation is stopping me from reversing my financial situation.

Deep down I know my neglected ambitious self is being wasted and this messy self sabotage situation is tearing me apart.

Self-Sabotage on Career & Mother Issue

Answered by on -


I strongly believe that if you could have helped yourself you would have done so. In other words, you’re not doing this on purpose. If you could wave a magic wand and your anxiety and depression would disappear, you would do it. Depression and anxiety don’t typically go away on their own. In many cases, professional treatment is needed.

Depression and anxiety are two of the most common mental health disorders in the world. They’re highly treatable conditions, particularly with talk therapy and medication. If you haven’t consulted a therapist, you should do so. It could help you tremendously.

It is your deepest desire to become independent. Short-term counseling might be all that is needed for you to achieve your goals. Contact your primary care physician and ask for a counseling referral. Don’t waste another moment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Self-Sabotage on Career & Mother Issue

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Self-Sabotage on Career & Mother Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Jul 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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