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Closure for Unhealthy Relationship

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I previously was in an unhealthy relationship on and off for about 5 months. we weren’t in love and it was mostly just a sexual relationship — I lost my virginity to him the first night, I realize my choices led to me to this place and I fully accept the responsibility for the heartbreak and the sadness that I have because of these decisions.

I haven’t talked to him in a month, the last time we saw each other we hooked up and like usual was saying he wanted to get the relationship right and make it better so he made plans with me for a date the next day. When the next day came I texted him to see if plans were still on and I never got a response, even till this day.(this has happened before and I tried to end it many times). I am through with the relationship and haven’t contacted him but am dealing with sadness, anger, and frustration because I never received closure. I never said how much I was hurt by the way he treated me and he never contacted me to apologize or end things if thats what he was trying to do.

It’s been a month, and I know I should have probably said how much it hurt me as it happened, but I am stubborn and didn’t want him to know that he played me so well. Do I say the things I wanted to say now? if so, how do I say it? and if not, how to I find closure to this relationship?

Closure for Unhealthy Relationship

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for your email. I think you can get closure without having to talk to him directly again. The method is through expressive writing. I would write him a letter that is complete with all your thoughts, feelings and reactions. Don’t hold anything back. Expressive writing is one way to organize, express, and integrate our feelings when we need closure. It is safe — when you write the letter I would focus on both what you received in the relationship that was good, and what your disappointments were that diminished it and ultimately ended it. This will help you find more of what you want and less of what you don’t in your future relationships.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Closure for Unhealthy Relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Closure for Unhealthy Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/08/closure-for-unhealthy-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.