Home » Ask the Therapist » My Relationship with My Girlfriend Is Crumbling

My Relationship with My Girlfriend Is Crumbling

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From the U.S.: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. I have found a situation similar to mine with the title of “My Girlfriend Lost Her Feelings” answered by Dr. Marie Harwell-Walker on PsychCentral. However, I wanted to further the question into what actually the person who will be waiting can do.

In the answer to the question, Dr. Marie said how people’s lives diverge when they go off and have different experiences with different people. My girlfriend is living overseas, and this rings very true to me. She got involved in her new life, which made her question our relationship. At the end, she said she no longer feels emotions towards me. I had to let her go.

It has been a week since we have broken up. I agree that more likely, she will find someone who has more things in common with the people around her. While I realize there isn’t much that I can do, I want to do what is possible to kindle that possibility of meeting again and starting over in a couple of years.

I am not contacting her at this moment, and do not plan to do so for a long time, until I have stabilized. At the same time, I do want to know from my girlfriend’s point of view, on what I can do to maximize the chance that we will meet again in the future.

We have always spoken about how she will come to the states to go off to the east coast together when I go there for my graduate degree. We have dreamed of that moment together, but I know she no longer feels that strongly in her heart. My plan is to live strong in the next 2 years or so, and to visit her overseas to meet her and to convince her to join me in what we planned so long ago.

I know people have told me to forget, and to live my life. But this person is whom I have promised more than marriage with, and I do not want to lose her if I can.

Please advise me on what the best direction I can take is.

My Relationship with My Girlfriend Is Crumbling

Answered by on -


Your heart is broken and you are grieving. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out as you hoped and planned. It’s painful to lose a person as well as the future you thought you had. You are going through the usual stages of grief — from denial to bargaining and probably some anger too. At some point you will reach acceptance, but it will take time.

The fact is that you have already “lost” her. It’s wise — for both your sakes — that you are not contacting her. It is not wise to think about putting your own life on hold for 2 years in the hopes that she will change her mind.

It’s only been 2 weeks since the break up. By the time this letter is published, it may well be a month. I encourage you to grieve this relationship and to learn what you can from the experience. Then make yourself available to someone who is also available. You wrote a moving, intelligent and insightful letter. Someone is going to be very happy to meet you and to become your lifelong partner.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Relationship with My Girlfriend Is Crumbling

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Relationship with My Girlfriend Is Crumbling. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 7, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 2 Jul 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.