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Married Women Fall in Love

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I married 18 years ago with 1 child. 20 years ago I loved one of my classmates, but I didn’t have any attraction to him. At that time he did not have any idea how to make a relationship with any woman. That hurt me a lot so I married with my husband who loved me and tried 3 years to date with me. One year ago I found my love and we started a relationship. We live in two different countries, but we visit each other in a third country for the first time after 20 years. Both of us paid a lot of money to see each other and at that time I had unforgettable sex with him. I cannot avoid him. He has all I need and want. He is showing me how much he is regretful about the past. Both of us feel amazing and we want to keep this relationship but both of us have family and we cannot avoid them. My husband is a very nice guy and I do not have any problem with him but I decided to marry him only because I did not get any good feedback from my love at that time. Me and my love are both very responsible for our families but we decide to stay together. The sense we get is wonderful even though we are far from each other, but we talk every day and he is trying very hard to qualify to immigrate to the country where I live. Like he started learning English to get a English language certificate. My question is how we can continue this relationship without affecting our family? Is it possible? Also I would like to tell you both of us have Masters degrees and we never had this kind of relation in our life. And base of our personality and job position and family situation no one can guess that we fell in love. We are both very logical and reasonable people, but we both do not know how we can handle this love. Please avoid religious advice because it will not help. Thanks in advance.

Married Women Fall in Love

Answered by on -

A.

You are betraying your husband by having an affair. On a daily basis, you are deceiving him. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Without trust, a relationship will die. Perhaps yours already has.

People who engage in infidelity often think it’s better to not reveal the affair to their partner. They say it’s because they want to protect them from the pain of betrayal. The emotional toll of infidelity can be immense and for some, traumatic but that should have been considered before cheating.

According to your letter, it’s only a matter of time before you leave your husband. You are making plans to leave him as soon as you can. You cannot continue your affair without it eventually affecting your family, especially if you’re planning to break up your marriage.

The most honorable thing you can do right now is tell your husband the truth. Yes, it will be difficult but it will give him time to plan for his future. His whole life will be changing dramatically.

You might want to consult a counselor who can advise you about how to proceed. Ultimately, if you follow through with your plans, this affair will lead to the breakup of your family. It will likely be very difficult for all parties involved. Counseling might be needed now more than ever. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Married Women Fall in Love

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2018). Married Women Fall in Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/02/married-women-fall-in-love/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.