From Singapore: I am still jealous of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend and can’t seem to get over the fact that I gave up the opportunity of being with him forever. It’s been close to five years since we broke up.
I have been getting to know other guys, but none seem to attract me as much. I know I have high standards, but some of them are so important to me that I don’t want to settle for less. However, I’m yet to meet anyone who has those important traits. Neither do I want to believe that they would change just because of me (for this would not last). One or two persons I know may meet my standards, but they are not interested in me. So perhaps theyre beyond my league? Yet, Im really looking forward to sharing my life with someone and this waiting/search is getting tiring. What should I do?
Sometimes focusing on the “hunt” becomes so important that the huntress (or hunter) sends off a vibe that makes people back away. I don’t know if that is the case with you, but it is something to consider.
Finding someone to love who will cherish you is an important and rich part of life. I understand it is discouraging when it just isn’t happening. I don’t want you to give up your standards. I don’t want you to give up. I do think you may need to change your strategy.
Instead of working so hard to find someone, find something to do that puts you in a circle of people who share your interests and passions. Focus on the activity instead of on whether someone there is a potential partner. Be an active participant in the group and show your best self. As you work together, you will naturally get to know other people and they will get to know you. Maybe one of those people will emerge as a romantic interest. Or maybe someone there will have a friend they will want you to meet.
Please be patient. Finding the right person is worth the wait.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
I Can’t Seem to Meet the Right Person
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Can’t Seem to Meet the Right Person. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 14, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/07/01/i-cant-seem-to-meet-the-right-person/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 1 Jul 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.