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I’m in a Toxic Long Distance Relationship

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From Canada: I met an American who is living in The Philippines online a few months ago. She was promised a modelling job when she got there. When she got there things were not as they seemed and she ran away from where she was supposed to work. At the time I was gambling too much and was tired to losing money to gambling. So I decided to donate money to her to pay for her power bill. It felt good to donate to someone in need instead of spending the money on gambling. But overtime I realized that she constantly wanted money.

She said she has no way to make money because she doesnt know the language and she is an American. Some of this is of course hard to believe because there was scammers out there, I understand this. So one day, I realized that although at first it felt good to donate to her, it has actually become a source of extreme stress, so I cut her off, then she sent me a picture of her wrist is was a bloody a deep gash. she ended up in hospital in the Philippines and refused to take antibiotics to help her heal because there was nothing worth living for if she couldn’t ever see me. So i pleaded with her to take her medicine, because although I do not know her, I do not want anyone to die unnecessarily.

She finally took her medicine and she is getting better, the only problem is now she has a hospital bill , and she wont get released unless she pays. Again, I thought I was doing the right thing by getting her to take the medication. So knows I get paid today, but I really can’t afford to send her any money, this is very hard for me. I know she will kill herself if I can’t help her. even though i don’t really know her, knowing that I was the cause of her death would really bother me, I would always wonder if there wasn’t more that I could of done. I didn’t believe her at first, but when she sent the bloody picture and then I talked with her friend, it all seems real. But I’m┬áput in a tough position, i really don’t know what to do. Please respond as soon as possible.

I’m in a Toxic Long Distance Relationship

Answered by on -

A.

What a terrible dilemma. You are a decent person trying to do the decent thing but I think you are being used. You don’t really know this woman. You only know what she has chosen to share with you online. She is blackmailing you emotionally by her threats of death if you don’t take care of her. You really don’t know if the pictures are real or if the “friend” is telling the truth.

The fact is that a hospital is unlikely to keep someone in a bed if the person doesn’t need it. There are sick people who do need the bed. The hospital doesn’t want to incur more expense by keeping her there. I think this woman is taking advantage of your generosity and good nature.

As an American, she can turn to the American embassy for help. I suggest you give her this address: http://manila.usembassy.gov/service/information-for-travelers.html. They can do far more for her than you can. Then block her from your phone and your email. This is one gamble that you lost. It’s time to cut your losses and leave this “game”.

Meanwhile, please do work on getting your gambling addiction under control. It has now sneaked into other aspects of your life. You are vulnerable to more hurt if you don’t treat the root of the problem — an addiction to taking chances. Look into treatment programs in your area or find a therapist who specializes in addictions. You deserve to have support.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I’m in a Toxic Long Distance Relationship

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I’m in a Toxic Long Distance Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/06/30/im-in-a-toxic-long-distance-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.