A few years ago, me and my brother got into a little fight on Feb 14. He pushed me against the kitchen counter and put his hands around my neck and his kids were there (I helped take care of them since they were babies, no kidding) since the kids saw it and were crying I felt like it was all my fault, so I went on my knees and asked for forgiveness. After that happened, my Mom decided I should still live in the same house despite him laughing while apologizing to me (since he did tried to stop my breathing). Present now something like almost happened I was just giving my opinion on how to clean meat is all and he deliberately ignores me, when I ask why he just says to keep him from getting mad, I ask him why I didn’t do or say anything. But that day he was mad about anything I noticed so I told that he was (as he put it in every situation I get a little annoyed by) needing a midol. And the scene minus him choking me happened again but was stopped by my Mom and sister and he mocked me by and I quote “I’ll do the (my name) and he yelled afterwards towards everyone. In the end we went back to the house and until now I refuse to eat what he makes or buys because if I do eat I feel like puking and disgusted and I know people would die for that food but I just say I don’t want any. I just literately hate my family except my Mom (she’s my Mom) my younger sister and my younger nieces. Even my older sister goes with him and I hate myself for thinking this I really do I just wish I could die, I cut and I know I shouldn’t but I cant help I hate myself to think and just to be like this. My Mom says to forgive but he threw me and my family out 3 times. I want someone to get me. So I just would like to know what do I do? (age 16, from US)I Would Like Ways to Cope or Get Help
I Would Like Ways to Cope or Get Help
It appears that you are in a very difficult and stressful living situation. The way your brother treats you is not right and it sounds like he has an anger management problem. It’s important to remember that it’s his problem, not yours, in that you do not deserve to be treated with violence and disrespect. However, unfortunately because of the living situation, his behavior affects you. The best approach might be to stay out of his way as much as possible, but not in an obvious way. Just try to plan lots of activities out of the home. For instance, enroll in extracurricular activities through school or church, stay over with friends when you can, and so forth. When you are around him just keep your distance but be polite, staying under his radar.
Cutting yourself and not eating enough are not healthy coping skills so I hope that you will look into other options such as exercise, writing in a journal, talking to friends, and listening to music. You would also benefit from speaking with a counselor. You could start by speaking with your school counselor, but you can also ask your mom to take you to see a therapist. Having a safe person to confide in would be very helpful.
Finally, if you brother hurts you again or you are in fear for your safety, you should call the police. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. And keep in mind that you are only a couple years away from being old enough to leave home and go to college or live in your own place. Once that happens, you will have control of how and when you are around your brother. I know things might seem hopeless now, but it will get better.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts