I’m 24. Staying in Myanmar (Asia). I got along well with parents during my school days. I also get good grades in school. When I was in college (in Singapore, not in Myanmar), I started to experience dissociative disorder and partial seizures. I’ve been hospitalized for months and I’ve been on deferment. I’m only two months away from graduation. Those times are like my darkest days of my life. I’m in depression. When I recover from illness, my parents start controlling me. They don’t want me to use phones, my laptop and even control seeing my friends.
They always put the blame on me for getting sick. I didn’t intentionally make myself sick. I hate painful injections and bitter pills too. But my dad always blame me for not getting fit and healthy. I played Yoga for my health by the way. I also feel shy to depend on my parents while my friends can earn their own salary. I know I have responsibility as an adult but it’s just because of my health. Is it my fault?
Why can’t my parents see the real me? Why can’t they understand me? I always do what I need to do without anyone telling me. I feel so small that they don’t trust me anymore. I stop using Facebook because of my dad. He said Facebook is time consuming and useless. I’m not addicted to any of social media but when I was lonely in Singapore, Social Media is my only connection to my friends and to the world.
I feel like I’ve no privacy. Mom always want to know who I’m with. She doesn’t like me hanging out with even guy friends!!! (not boyfriend). Sometimes I really hate Eastern tradition. They are over controlling on females. Controlling is good but I’m an adult who can control myself.
I never did night out. I never went party. I never do drugs. I was always been a bookworm. But there are times that I really want to enjoy life as much as I can. I’m always being strict to myself. I want to change it but my parents are putting me into the same old style. How should I change it??
I am certain your parents are doing this out of love. But studies have shown that parents who are over-controlling, like yours, create problems for their children in the long run. Here’s an article I’ve written about this that you might find interesting.
While I am not suggesting you disrespect your parents, I am suggesting you work toward greater independence and support outside your family. The first place to start is with your university. They are likely to have a counseling department for either low or no cost. I would talk to the counselors there about your situation. They can help you find ways to cope and get support.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Parents Controlling Too Much!. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/06/22/parents-controlling-too-much/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.