From Scotland: Last night me and a good friend decided to have sex. It was my first time so as you can imagine I was nervous.
After the usual foreplay we began. It was only a matter of minutes however and I lost the erection. I want to know if there’s really any cause. I’m turning 18 soon so it can’t be an age thing (in the UK, 16 is the age of consent).
Now I’m left worrying that A. There’s something wrong with me. B. That it’ll just happen again, and C. That I’ll not get over this and the worry will stop me actually succeeding.
Any real answers would be a help. My main concern is that it was more than just nerves, perhaps some real psychological or hormonal issue that I’ll have to have seen to.
There is no “just” to nerves. It was your first time. It isn’t surprising to me that you lost your erection. Anxiety isn’t a good third presence in bed. I am doubtful there is something wrong with you. You are right about option C — that obsessing over it will actually stop you from succeeding. If you are truly worried there is something physically amiss, make an appointment with your doctor, if only for your own peace of mind.
Then make sure the next time you have sex, you slow down and hold off on actual intercourse until you and your partner have given each other lots of intimate physical touch. There is no hurry. It takes a while for people who are moving to a new and more intimate level to feel safe with each other. When the focus is on loving and pleasuring the other person instead of on your own performance, you will forget your anxieties and nature will usually take its course.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
What to Do about Loss of Erection
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). What to Do about Loss of Erection. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/06/18/what-to-do-about-loss-of-erection/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.