From Cyprus: I don’t know what is wrong with me. i feel like i am not living. i am scared i will die, soon. I used to be a ‘happy’ person with the occasional ‘sad’ moments, now i am a sad person with some rare ‘happy’ moments. I have lost interest in almost everything i used to enjoy, in everything that used to keep me going and because of this i feel that i’ll stop living . I am not scared i have something incurable, i just think that one day i will disappear. I am scared. I am terrified and at the same time i think ( and its scares me ) that i am at peace with dying. All these make my paranoid little brain to believe that i will really die soon. I don’t feel like putting my life in order, or saying heartfelt ‘goodbyes’ to people. And I can see myself in the future ( with less excitement than what i used to before) but i do , and i am somewhat looking forward to somethings in my life. There is a crazy war of thoughts in my head and it scares me. I think i am taking a downfall and i will never stop — recently during the 2014-2015 I lost 3 people from my life , I took some life altering decisions about my academic future and in a couple of days I am turning 20 ) I don’t know what’s wrong with me,please help me if you can!My Life Is Taking a Downfall and I Am Scared
My Life Is Taking a Downfall and I Am Scared
I’m very sorry you are feeling so frightened and pessimistic. As painful as it is, it does make a kind of sense. People as young as yourself generally don’t think about death a great deal because they haven’t yet experienced the loss of someone close to them. (The exception, of course, is for people who live in a war zone or where there is an epidemic.) You, however, lost three people who were important to you in less than a year. That’s loss upon loss upon loss. When that kind of thing happens, it makes death and endings much more real.
Whether consciously or not, you are processing what it means to end. At the same time, it’s natural for someone your age to continue to grow and look to the future. Both are real and important issues. Yes, we are all dying from the moment we are born. But we also have a life to live. Reconciling those two things is something most people do much less consciously but everyone has to do it. Because of your losses, you are much more aware of the existential dilemma.
It’s likely that the people who love you don’t understand this. If you talked to them, they would probably encourage you to get past the losses and see the good in your life. That’s all true. But because you are someone who thinks and feels deeply, you also need to come to terms with the ephemeral quality of life. For that reason, I suggest you seek our a therapist or spiritual leader who is familiar with this issue and who can guide you to new understanding.
I wish you well,