From a 15 year old in the U.S.: I don’t know where to start or what to say, but I know I am depressed. I have been thinking for quite a while now that I have bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, or both. I imagine flashbacks and I talk to myself most of the time, specifically I have multiple voices in my head that are all their own person.
I have 4 personalities, so to speak. 3 come out every now and then, the other one only stays in my head and talks. One is depressed, and would never hurt anyone other than herself. The other is constantly angry and wants to hurt people, even if they didn’t do anything, the other is a bitch and she thinks she’s the hottest girl ever and personally I hate her, but the one in my head is 3 years older than me, and she doesn’t talk much but she is depressed she says. I want to get out of my head, but then again I want to stay this way, so that I don’t end up like everyone else.
I drink alcohol almost daily and it helps me forget things. I was raised by verbally abusive and neglecting parents, they fought each other physically and it hurt me. I hate my family for neglecting me and whatnot but I love them so much. I also have mood swings that have been amplifying. I take pills daily, for multiple reasons. To put myself to sleep, to stop the headaches, to be happy, or just for fun. I think I’m addicted.
I don’t have many friends but the people who like me I don’t like them. I tend to push everyone away and when I try to talk I choke and nothing comes out. This is to say the least. I just want to talk or some help or a mental hospital but my mom doesnt believe in that stuff so i cant talk to her. I have daily thoughts of suicide and I self harm for pain not for death. But I’m dying on the inside.I Don’t Even Know What I Need Help With
I Don’t Even Know What I Need Help With
Thank you for writing. There is a core of strength in you that hasn’t been defeated despite neglect and addictive behaviors. Please pay attention to your instincts. You do need help. You already know that. It’s sad when parents can’t be counted on to provide the love, support and advice a kid needs. But some people just don’t get the parents they deserve. In that case, it’s important to look to other adults who can be of help.
Instead of drowning or dulling your pain, it’s long past time for you to do exactly that. If there is an adult relative you can talk to, then do. Do not make the mistake of “protecting” your parents’ reputation with the relatives at the expense of your own life.
I do happen to be familiar with the city you are from and know that it has an excellent school system. I’m guessing that there is a guidance counselor or nurse you can turn to if there are not relatives you trust. You need to be evaluated by a qualified mental health counselor and you need to learn what options for treatment and support are available to you. Your school professionals should be able to access that.
In the meantime: It might be helpful for you to take a look at this article: https://psychcentral.com/lib/recovering-from-childhood-neglect/0001384
Please don’t neglect yourself as you have already been neglected. Do break the silence and get the help you need and deserve.
I wish you well.