I dated a girl for 9 months/moved in with 17 yrs old daughter for 7 months. She slept in separate room but had no issue with sex after daughter was asleep. Daughter discovered us 4 months after move in. The daughter had a very strange “Panic” type of reaction and the next day she began sleeping in the daughter’s room. Sex was moved outside the house except when daughter was away. When I pursued her sleeping in my room (as we had planned to do after the 1st month) she made arrangements to move back to her ex’s to work on herself mentally. A year later they were married and I was told it was platonic for health care reasons and she didn’t love him but also told it was to spare me from certain hardships due to her health issues. There were also 2 mystery contacts. One claimed to know me and wrote her letters on social media shortly after move in…which accused me of things I was not doing and also knew too much about certain things to be a random stranger. Another was her best friend which is still in contact with me today although I have strong evidence this is her “other” personality. Her friend kept re-enforcing that she didn’t want to marry her ex but due to health issues had to. 4 months after wedding…with some dialog her “friend” setup a meeting for us in a hotel where we had sex. We had 2 other meetings since at my home for sex. She had an operation which had complications and she has been unable to drive yet but her “friend” continues to keep in touch saying she can’t wait to be able to see me again. I consider myself normal and have had some psychotherapy for simple things and have learned much through it. I have never dealt with someone quite like her. The feelings when we are together is rather amazing and intimate. She cannot talk about certain things which bother her. I have been advised that her father was abusive physically and had alcohol issues. In one talk we had…she said something to the tune of “there is something guys always do…doesn’t start out as such but always ends up the same”? Am I dealing with a APD Sociopath. Does she love me or just the sex? Very confused!
The complications of this relationship seem insurmountable. With so many starts and stops and sorted twists and turns I think the real question isn’t how to diagnose her — but rather, why are you in this relationship?
I think before you Try to solve this puzzle consider what’s already happened: you’ve been told one thing and she’s done another; she went back to her ex for reasons that don’t quite make sense; she seems to have a dissociated personality; AND you have no idea where you stand in the relationship. Add to this the fact that she is married and you are left with a relationship that is tentative, unstable, and unsatisfying. Rather than try to figure her out, I would encourage you to move on and find someone less chaotic.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Avoidant Personality Disorder Mixed with ???. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/06/08/avoidant-personality-disorder-mixed-with/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.