Home » Ask the Therapist » Thinking about Someone and Not Able to Concentrate

Thinking about Someone and Not Able to Concentrate

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I love my elder sister very much and have not met her since a long time. I keep missing her too much. The situation has been so intense these days that I have started seeing her in one of my colleagues. I always feel like talking to her, making her smile, making her feel happy. I become very worried about her whenever she is not around. I always tend to disturb her, tease her and annoy her… just to be around her (taking my opportunities to be able to talk to her). But, I don’t know whether she registers it the same way as me. She sometimes makes me feel like she also cares but then some other time she will be calm and quiet. I keep thinking of her all the time… even when we are not in office, even when I will be somewhere else doing something else with some other people. She is all over my mind. With all of this I am not able to concentrate on my work anymore. I am becoming less efficient day by day. It’s like… the thought has engrossed my mind and it cannot think of anything else. I don’t understand what should be done to overcome this. Should I go and tell my condition to her (like the way I see her, the way I care for her)? Would that make me feel relieved? Would I be able to concentrate then? Or, should I remain quiet and let go? (She is resigning our office by this April). Will that aggravate the situation or make me calmer later on? (age 25, from India)

Thinking about Someone and Not Able to Concentrate

Answered by on -


What may have started out as a fondness for your coworker because she reminds you of your sister sounds like it may have changed into romantic feelings. The amount of time you spend thinking about her and wanting to be near her, as well as the difficulties you have concentrating, sound like you are falling in love, or at least infatuation.

I think it’s time to do some soul searching, and possibly talk the situation over with a good friend. Once you have clarified the nature of your feelings, then it may be time to speak to your coworker about it — but not before.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

Thinking about Someone and Not Able to Concentrate

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Thinking about Someone and Not Able to Concentrate. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 6 Jun 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.